Saturday, 4 July 2015

4 July 15 ... friend requests?

Of all the crazy things that this cancer rollercoaster ride has thrown up so far; one I have found to be really intriguing and was not expecting, is a particular person from Brendan’s past seeking him out to reconnect. Now that’s cool, we all friend or add people from our past on facebook out of politeness, curiosity, or just because they’re nice people... right. So; not so unusual!

However; after Bren told me about the latest friend request he'd received, a faint alarm bell went off in my head when I looked at her fb profile. At that point only 3 friends (I'm assuming by choice)... including my husband. Cool…I think? Does it feel a little stalkerish though? … maybe after reading the link below. I’ll let you know. (irony...here I was looking at her profile, mmm ). I was happy to "like" comments she left on his wall...like wanting to catch up in the park so that her kids could meet his kids...etc. Just so she knew I was OK with the reconnect.

She had mentioned in one comment (and there were a few) that she had been following my blog; so has the same access to current updates on Bren’s diagnosis and recovery as the rest of our family and friends. A quick "Hi, I have read that you are having a crap time of it lately...I'm thinking of you." could have been a really nice catch up message, and leave it at that. 

A slightly louder alarm bell went off when Brendan was de-friended soon after being friended (maybe accidentally…I’m not sure) and then the fb personal messages replaced public wall messages. Now it's all starting to feel a bit weird. Yes, I have been sitting with Brendan when a couple of her personal messages have come through, awwwkward…lol. But he is very courteous and kind to the sender, as you would expect, while using as few words in reply as possible. Oh the fb PM …it can be such a slippery slope if ones not careful, I'm sure it’s been a little uncomfortable for both of us, but what do you do? Smile and keep each other in the loop basically...Might be time to step away from fb for a while :)

So; (long winded sentence coming up)…I am feeling that it is a little inappropriate having a woman that I have not met in the 20 years that Bren and I have been together, and whom he has had next to no contact with in that time… keeping tabs on my husband in private messages, considering there is a purpose built blog to eliminate the necessity for this kind of bullshit in our already full and mostly draining schedule...Phew! It's a little frustrating. For me anyway and I think  probably for him too! Where is my Zen when I need it! More practice required...stat!

I have sent a message through to introduce myself and say that I would be happy for her to friend request me and Brendan (again) to make communication a little easier and a lot more open. I guess that may not happen now that I have written about this small but interesting (human nature is such a curious thing) part of our journey, but the ball’s in that court. Ah, the games we play!

Private messages were the last thing I thought I would be troubleshooting at this time. But there you go, things can get tricky in unexpected ways that barely relate to what’s actually important. Life on the rollercoaster sometimes feels like a merry-go-round. And we are looking forward to getting off this one.

Moral of this story is: If you are going to PM your Ex...always remember that there is no guarantee that Personal Messages are personal or private, and avoid saying anything you wouldn't say in front of the Ex's significant other, or your own ... for obvious reasons. Or better still simply use a public format...it's much easier for everyone. 

You’ve gotta love facebook! But then we are an open book, so I'm not complaining....really  :)

Related: I found this article at purplecar very entertaining; to-friend-or-not-to-friend-the-ex/

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